If you’ve ever wondered exactly “what is bullying?,” this article offers a clear and practical answer. You’ll learn how to recognize the signs of bullying, understand why it happens, and discover effective strategies for helping kids who are targeted. We’ll also share prevention tips, classroom activities, and trusted resources to build empathy, respect, and kindness in children.
Bullying is essentially a pattern of repeated hurtful behavior toward others, generally with the bullying person having a power advantage over the target, in terms of age, size, gender, peer group status, or something else. It can take the form of repeated verbal teasing, spreading rumors, threats of harm, or actual physical aggression. Ostracizing or excluding others from social interactions is also a form of bullying. Bullying can have lasting effects on a child’s mental health and school performance.
Often bullying occurs out of sight of adults, which makes it harder for adults to intervene. It happens at lunch or during recess, when there is often less supervision. On the bus or at the bus stop are other common bullying locations. Finally, with kids’ use of social media and texting, bullying can go online (cyberbullying), which can be humiliating for kids and has even resulted in suicide in extreme cases. Furthermore, many kids do not want to report bullying, since they may be labeled a “snitch” for telling. This is one reason why many kids don’t tell adults, even their parents. Research also shows that very few kids intervene to stop bullying when they witness it.
According to the 2022 Youth Risk Behavior Survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 15–19 percent of students in the United States reported being bullied on school property in the 12 months preceding the survey. A majority of kids said they have witnessed bullying in their schools.
Parents and educators should be aware of signs that may indicate a child is being bullied. These may include:
Paying attention to these signs is particularly important since bullying can be a risk factor for suicide.
Bullying rarely happens without a reason, though the reasons aren’t always obvious. Kids may act out to gain power, cope with personal struggles, or because they lack the skills to handle conflict in healthy ways. Understanding the root causes can help parents, teachers, and peers respond to bullying with strategies that address the problem at its source.
Kids who bully tend to be self-centered and often lack a sense of empathy.
Some have been victims of bullying themselves (possibly by parents or siblings) and take out their anger on others.
Others suffer from low self-esteem and try to make themselves feel better by putting down others, often to impress friends.
Kids who bully may have trouble interpreting others’ feelings and intentions. They may enjoy seeing others upset by their actions, rather than feeling remorse when they realize they are hurting someone.
When kids are targeted by bullying, they may feel isolated, anxious, or unsure of how to respond. A calm, consistent, and supportive approach from adults can help them feel heard, believed, and empowered to take the next steps toward safety and confidence. Here are some ways to help:
Ignoring teasing can sometimes help, but words hurt. Walking away, rehearsing responses, or asking questions like “What do you mean?” or “Why do you care?” can disarm the person bullying. The book Bullying Is a Pain in the Brain is an excellent resource for kids.
Preventing bullying starts with creating a culture of respect and inclusion, both at school and at home. When adults model kindness, set clear expectations, and address problems early, children learn that bullying behavior is unacceptable and that everyone has a role in keeping their community safe.
While teasing and conflict happen, bullying takes things further. Educating kids about what bullying is serves as a first step in prevention. This should be an ongoing discussion, not just a one-time lecture. Asking kids how often they observe bullying, how they feel when they see it, and what options they have for intervening can all be helpful. Role-playing in class can help kids practice skills needed to respond to bullying constructively.
Encouraging kids to come forward if they are being bullied or if they witness bullying is also important. Increasing supervision of students and knowing what to look for can help prevent bullying, or at least catch it early before it becomes a pattern of behavior.
Punishment alone doesn’t stop bullying. Rather, education is critical. Teaching empathy, modeling kindness, and implementing social-emotional learning (SEL) can reduce bullying and improve academic performance.
SEL involves teaching kids skills such as managing emotions, interacting appropriately with others, asserting oneself, understanding the thoughts and feelings of others, and resolving conflict. More school systems are implementing these principles, which not only improve students’ interactions, but can also improve their academic performance. One resource for more information on this approach is the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning.
Mutual respect is also key, and parents and educators must model respect if they expect their students to treat one another with respect. Yelling, making fun of students, and embarrassing them in front of others can teach kids that it’s okay to treat others this way. When adults set an example of kindness and inclusiveness and actively work toward instilling those qualities in the students they oversee, the likelihood of bullying decreases.
Fortunately, there are many resources available for parents, educators, and kids about dealing with bullying. One such resource is the US government site StopBullying.gov. Another is PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center.
Understanding what bullying is serves as the first step to stopping it. By recognizing the signs, supporting children who are targeted, and fostering empathy in all students, we can create safer and more inclusive schools.